Help me out a little

[Baloo]

OK, I need a little input here. Let me try to give you the readers digest version of the situation, and you tell me how you would handle the situation...

About 2 years ago my parents began looking for a new house, so they got a realtor as most people might. Since then, my Dad and this realtor (female) have become very good friends. Up until now, my Sister and I have tried to dismiss it as nothing more than friends. However, lately he has been on the phone with her almost 24/7 and he 'helps' her with open houses and he goes to her house to help her with her computer (BTW, he's a plumber), he knows NOTHING about computers. We still try to dismiss it as 'Dad would never do that to Mom'. BUT, two weeks ago, he took my sisters kids out for lunch, where he met this person... let's call her... umm.... Jennifer . So, while they were eating, they shared a drink and he called her 'baby'. Then, about a week ago, he took one of my sisters kids to go shopping with him. The shopping he was doing was seraching for a suit for 'Jennifer'. Well, he couldn't find her a suit, so he bought her a $100 gift cert. to Foley's. After shopping, they met Jennifer for lunch, where he proceeded to share a drink with her again. My neice is 12, she's not stupid, so she is of course asking my Sister what's going one. My pore Mom is so FING doped up on pills the doctor gives her, that she either doesn't know what's going on, or she does, but can't mentally do anything about it. My Dad is not a player and has never done anything like this before. He's always been the great story book Father and Husband, that's why it's so weird for this to be happening. BTW, Jennifer is in her mid 30's. So, if any of this makes sense, what would you do in this situation?


P.S. I don't want to end up with a sibling younger than my child

[kittykat526]

Oh, Bear, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I honestly don't know what to do except maybe ask your dad about it. Confront him with it. He might open up to you. Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm also sorry that I couldn't be of more help.

[Tammi]

Oh boy..........this is a toughie.

MAYBE, given your mom's current health issues, you dad is just enjoying a little attention from this "Jennifer" person. He could also be going thru a little "middle age crush". Have you talked to him about it? 

[Baloo]

We we hoping he is just using her friendship, since my Mom isn't all there. No, we haven't confronted him yet. We were debating on doing so. But, if it is just a friendship, then us confronting him could create problems. Either way though, he needs to not do these things in front of my 12 yo neice. She's very impressionable right now.

[Tammi]

I agree. A 12 year old cant comprehend what's going on with grandpa.

You wouldnt have to necessarily confront your dad, in a "confrontational" way. A cautiously worded question might do the trick. Like...."Dad, is everything going okay for you? I get the feeling you havent quite been yourself lately, and I'm concerned. I'm here if you need to talk to me about anything" or something like that.

[Jlew]

Bear.....

My parents went through the same thing a few years back, except it was with my fathers secretary whom has worked for him for over 20 years. She was going through a divorce and my dad was there to "console" her.... my mother was furious! It got really bad until my brothers and I finally cornered Dad and asked him what the deal was.....shortly thereafter, my Father admitted that his best friend had an affair with her and that he was trying to keep it quiet between two parties ( his best friend is also married ) So....to make a long story short.....My brothers and I ambushed my father and let him know that his behaviour was totally unacceptable and he agreed. My mummsy and Daddy now have a wonderful relationship....tighter then ever.

My suggestion? Confront your Father... it dosen't have to be in a demeaning or accusatory way.... just ask him what's going on.....

[ladynred]

Balooey,

It sounds to me like your father is going thru a situation of his own. My mother is bi-polar. I understand a little of what you are going through. She is very much a different person than she used to be. It has caused a lot of stress in my father's life in that he doesnt have the same wife that he used to. Because of this, he has sought consolation elsewhere also. This, I have no complete concrete knowledge of, but being in my 30's and aware of human needs. ... I can understand a little of what he is going through. (My father)

These situations can EASILY result in backing yourself (being my father and yours) into a corner that they shouldnt be in. My father (that I know of) has not allowed himself to get that far into it. Your father my not have realized the same thing.

You might need to talk to him MAN TO MAN... not father to son..... and let him know that he is inadvertantly romanticizing something that should basically be chalked up to human needs....

Talk to him.....