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Post by Baloo on Oct 15, 2003 8:19:43 GMT -5
Religious Joke of the Day
The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
"Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex."
In unison they all replied, "You win!"
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Post by BigMelt on Oct 24, 2003 13:25:20 GMT -5
A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
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Post by kittykat526 on Nov 7, 2003 7:48:40 GMT -5
Lets see if I can remember this one right.... There were two little boys who were brothers who always made trouble. Their mom kept trying to get them to behave and they never would. One day she decided to take them to the local preist to talk to them. The priest called the older one in first. The little boy sat down at the desk and the priest paced for a minute. Then he went to his chair. He didn't sit down but pressed his hands on the table and looked the little boy in the eyes. "Where is God?" the preist asked calmly. The boy didn't answer. "Where is God?" the priest asked louder. The little boy suddenly got up and ran out of the room. His little brother saw him running so he followed him all the way into the house and into their room. The older boy looked frightened. "Whats wrong?" the younger one asked. The older one said "We're really in trouble now. God is missing and they think we did it."
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Post by ladynred on Nov 20, 2003 0:21:50 GMT -5
Lets see if I can remember this one right.... There were two little boys who were brothers who always made trouble. Their mom kept trying to get them to behave and they never would. One day she decided to take them to the local preist to talk to them. The priest called the older one in first. The little boy sat down at the desk and the priest paced for a minute. Then he went to his chair. He didn't sit down but pressed his hands on the table and looked the little boy in the eyes. "Where is God?" the preist asked calmly. The boy didn't answer. "Where is God?" the priest asked louder. The little boy suddenly got up and ran out of the room. His little brother saw him running so he followed him all the way into the house and into their room. The older boy looked frightened. "Whats wrong?" the younger one asked. The older one said "We're really in trouble now. God is missing and they think we did it." That's cute!!
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Post by kittykat526 on Nov 21, 2003 8:14:38 GMT -5
Thanks red.
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Post by ladynred on Nov 21, 2003 9:11:01 GMT -5
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Post by Tammi on Nov 21, 2003 11:14:24 GMT -5
This isnt a joke....but it's pretty funny....and it really happened to the priest I work for.
A little boy in 1st grade had to memorize the Hail Mary Prayer before he could make his first communion. Fr. Tom couldnt help but laugh when this is what the little boy recited for him, so proudly, on first communion day...................
Hail Mary Full of Grapes The Lord is mad at thee Blessed art thou among women and blessed are the fruit of the looms on Jesus
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Post by kittykat526 on Nov 22, 2003 10:44:51 GMT -5
That is so hilarious. Hehe. ;D
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Post by Tammi on Nov 22, 2003 12:50:18 GMT -5
Fr. Tom says he cant help but think of that "prayer" every time he says the real one now.
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Post by kittykat526 on Nov 24, 2003 7:51:05 GMT -5
That is funny. Kids can say the weirdest things sometimes. ;D
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Post by Tammi on Nov 24, 2003 9:19:07 GMT -5
That's why I like our priest so much. He's so understanding of kids. These days with so many priests getting a bad rep with being pervs...it's nice to know we managed to get a good one.
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